how to win friends and influence people (in delhi)

you're new to the city. you want to get to know it well. hang out with the locals. make new friends. basically, get a life outside the pages of the well worn travel guide you're carrying. and you're wondering how. here's a quick 5 step guide to meeting the people of delhi.

first of all, you should pack yourself a suitcase and move to bombay. there's nothing like moving out of delhi to meet delhi-ites. and the sooner you understand this, the better. bombay seems like a favourite haunt. i mean seriously, i've met more people from delhi in bombay than i ever did in delhi. (and i've spent 8 years in delhi as opposed to two weeks in bombay)

if that's just a wee bit impractical and you want to remain in delhi, and still make some friends (though god knows why) try the whole strong-and-silent attitude. go out. lean against some wall somewhere (preferably, in the shadows) and watch people. nothing captures attention like that does, in a city where everyone's talking nineteen to the dozen, about themselves. and if you don't get arrested for suspicious loitering, you'll definitely make some new friends.

take autos to get around. they'll always take you somewhere that's not even remotely close to where you wanted to go in the first place. that way, instead of going someplace where you already know people, you'll land up in a strange place with strange people. and that's where you bring the strong-silent attitude into play to befriend them.

start frequenting restaurants/pubs/cafes that have opened in the last three months. they'll be new enough to have a certain buzz to them and will attract the locals in droves (your chance to mingle). visit any place older than that, and you'll see just a half of the original customer/potential friend base. so strike when the iron is hot, my dear, and keep on the lookout for any new openings.

if all else fails, go to TC on a wednesday night. you'll meet everybody (and i mean, everybody. you can't ignore people, especially those who are joined to you at the hip- and the shoulder and yes, the toes too) and you'll get to know them because the same people will be there every wednesday. and you'll never think they're dull or stupid, because you'll never be able to have a conversation with them anyway. and and, everyone will be tall and beautiful or you'll think they are because you'll be filled to the gills with alcohol.